he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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