dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You made out with two different species that night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
