Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
