I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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