i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
