Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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