Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
