i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
