I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
