call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
