It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
