So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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