i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
