Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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