I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
