He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
