I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drake has all the answers
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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