there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
