Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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