Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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