He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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