Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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