i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
