How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
