if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
