1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
