I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
