i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
