im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So squirting runs in the family.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
