Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
