I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
