Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
