Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
