i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
