At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
