so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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