lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
