can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
