Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
