so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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