Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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