just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
