I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
