Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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