I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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