I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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