I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
