I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want nice things and good sex
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
