His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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