Don't make out with my wife yet
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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