maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
