i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
