I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Banned from zoo.
Again?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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