The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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