She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am available for nakedness
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
