Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Please, let me fuck your mom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
