just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
