THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
